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Acknowledgements. I wish to thank Dr. Sidney Parnes and my colleagues from the CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING INSTITUTE for introducing me to so many creative ideas. Drs. Pfieffer and Jones of the University Associates developed the original dyadic encounter booklets that GETTING TO KNOW YOU are based on. Over the years I modified them for my students, then their parents, and finally for any couple. Instead of just open-ended phrases I added comments to help them open up, share, and teach them to better understand and communicate with each other. It became - Your PERSONAL psychologist.DISCLAIMERWARNING! GETTING TO KNOW YOU is NOT a parlor game. It can teach any couple to improve their relationship, but it can bring out things that could make it worse or (sometimes for the better) end it!DIRECTIONSIt was designed for couples, but ANY two people can use it. Items appropriate for some couples will not be appropriate for others - so pass! 1. One person completes each item as the other listens. Then, the partner does the same phrase or exercise. 2. BE HONEST. Listen carefully, completely, but do NOT defend yourself or attack or it ends in arguments, not learning. (This is VERY difficult to do and takes practice, patience, and self-control!) 3. PASS. If an item is too uncomfortable - pass, but if you pass too often then no learning or changes will occur. Change is often painful. 4. BE RECEPTIVE. Many people have more trouble accepting compliments than criticism. Allow your partner to freely give both. (Don't store, but clear the air.) 5. USE LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES. Use the Conflicts, Differences, and Confrontations as Learning Opportunities. These are openings into your partner's mind, heart, body, and spirit. To have an effective relationship you need to recognize, admit, and COPE with your very real differences. LISTEN and paraphrase what you “think” you heard. If you're not correct, the other should clarify what he/she meant. 6. COMPROMISE. LISTEN and find doable, livable compromises. It means giving up something to gain something. Both lose, but both gain. 7. ENJOY. GETTING TO KNOW YOU should be fun! It is an interesting and enjoyable process that can be done anywhere, anytime. 8. CLOSURE. End each session with a good or positive experience. It will make it easier to return to the process. 9. SEQUENCE. To maximize the benefits, it is better to follow the sequence, not just select the ones that strike your fancyFREEThis workbook is FREE in PDF form |
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